Olympic superlative shortage shock!!!!!!

With only a week gone by, Britain has already run out of superlatives, and clichés are also close to extinction.

I'm speechless, said Bob Darwin, BBC spokesperson, the whole of Britain is over the moon, it's just incredible, beyond our wildest dreams, this is the greatest thing most of us will ever experience, and everyone, and I mean everyone, is a hero.. He then fell over and died, as the stream of superlatives literally emptied his brain.

Supermarkets are collecting any unused clichés from shoppers in a desperate attempt to keep the commentary running. It's the least we can do, said Jane Frodsham, pet insurance executive from Biggleswade. I was about to tell my husband how gutted I was the British girls were disqualified from the cycling, but I managed to slap my hand over my mouth and spew it into a bucket at Tescos instead.

Thank God. Without the unbelievable response from ordinary British people, the country would literally implode in a cosmic fireball of unprecedented proportions.